Inadvertently, this Hungry Ghost Festival, I ended up talking to supposed spirits, after all.
The irony is that, I don’t even remember that I used to do that, when I participated in the customary ‘rites’ for this festival with my family and this year, it is while working on a story for CN that I actually ’talked’ to … erm, the spirits?
Being raised in a Taoist/Buddhist family, and then joining the Catholic Church when I was in my mid-20s, I have always had a sense of wondering about how I, as a Catholic, should respond to certain customs that my family practises, especially when a part of me still feels certain nostalgia at not being able to participate in these practices with my family anymore (details in this week’s CN).
So it was that this year, my curiosity centred on the Hungry Ghost Festival.
In the midst of preparing the story, I revisited some past encounters I’ve had with… erm, spirits. And boy, are they many! (I am actually still contemplating if I should share those experiences on this blog…)
A part of me was afraid that working on this article would attract unnecessary attention from spirits, demons, devils, whatever you wish to call them of the spiritual world…
Talking to a few priests on this matter helped lots.
In any case, I had to take some photos of some of the customary practices surrounding the Hungry Ghost Festival – paper offerings being burnt, candles being lit, food being left outside as offering to wandering spirits, getais (staged performances), etc…
Finally, one day, I found a good spot at Sin Ming Drive. It was a secluded spot and the offerings were left out by the grass patch – still fresh, with candles still lit.
I pulled out my camera and gingerly advanced towards it.
Now, because of my past encounters with spirits, I was still much hesitant to capture these shots.
I took one step towards the offerings.
And I said inwardly, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude. I mean no disrespect, I just need to take the picture…”
Then, I stopped.
What am I doing? Who am I talking to?
The questions asked; the circular logic began: Wait a minute. I don’t believe there’re wandering spirits around waiting to eat this food… But better safe than sorry! … I’m a Catholic, not a Taoist… Just apologise and if they’re there, they’ll excuse you; if they’re not there, it doesn’t matter anyway…
In the end, I made a short prayer: God, you know I’m not being disrespectful. I just need to take a photograph. Spirit or no spirit around, I entrust this situation to you. (And please don’t let them disturb me!)
*snap snap snap*
The entire experience made it so clear to me that, while I feel this immense sense of liberation, it is so easy to fall back into the bondage of being slave to beliefs that contradict our Catholic faith.
Still, it was through this very experience, that I fully comprehended just how free I am now. While in the past, I would’ve been truly fearful that I may be offending some spirits (even though I don’t even think I ever believed in the Hungry Ghost Festival), this time round, I know the only reason why I was ‘apologising’ to them is because of a remnant of such beliefs so deeply instilled in me.
That is the only reason; nothing else.
What is missing – I notice with a blinding clarity – is fear.
I am free.
Filed under: 1, Game of Life, GOD
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